"When she turned around and saw the man with the white hair walk in, she (kyrie) gave out a scream and leapt underneath her cousin's chair. She hoped Bertha wouldn't notice. But she did.
"Hey, Inglird! What are you doing down there? Are you hiding from that guy with the white hair? Oh, well he's coming over here. I guess it's because it's weird to see a little girl talking to herself, don't ya think? Don't ya? Why aren't you answering me?!" Bertha said to me.
"SILENCE, CHILD!" Inglird screamed. Suddenly, someone was pulling her out from under the chair.
It was the man with white hair! NOOOOOOO!!!!
"Inglird," he began. "I thought I told you to clean your room. I said NO TV until your room is clean!" My father (the man with the white hair) said, then he exited the room. Bertha's eyes were wide.
"Oh! That's why you were hiding from him! So that's your daddy? Well... What are you gonna do? I thought you hate cleaning your room."
"I do!" Inglird replied. She then told Bertha her master plan. Bertha's little 4 year-old brain tried to understand it.
"Wait," Bertha started."So, you're thinking about leaping into (dan) the bottomless pit of despair feet first, dragging your blanket after you. Why did she have to leave? Why, oh why, does the world contain Tasmanian devils that can get loose and ravage the memories of all the good times you had together in a bloody, furry, toothy frenzy? It is at this moment, as the blackness gathers around you, that you feel something tugging at the hem of your sack-cloth shirt, disturbing the carefully-strewn ashes. It is a small creature like a rodent, but with the feet of a horse. It speaks in a tiny voice like a cricket chirping the Alleluia Chorus, and says, "Do not weep, for she is not dead but (leslie) play sleeping.
She is always wanting to draw attention to herself. One time when she was skipping down the sidewalk a car drove by and she froze pretending to be a marble statue. Or like the time she was eating at the table and pretended to have hiccup burps. Always for attention. She thought it was one of the easiest ways to keep the lid on (becca) the toilet is to place something heavy on it, like a brick, a heavy box, or another toilet. Anything heavy will work as long as it doesn't need to be refrigerated. Although that would be ok too a long as you also have a fridge on the toilet. At first it will be much a of nuisance to always have to remove the fridge, heavy box, etc whenever you need to use the toilet but eventually it will be a regular part of your day. I count it as part of my exercise routine.
Oh, continue to love me, never misjudge the (terri) way I part my hair. I promise I don't do it to annoy you. Well, maybe I do a little bit. I sometimes like to flick my toe nails on people too. It's just these weird habits I picked up while locked in a prison when I was in the Aragutan Southern Hemispheric Condition Army. I got really, really bored and would practice parting my hair. I used the little broken mirror that I had. It was really little. Maybe a half inch squared, and if I held it just right, I could see part of my head. I would then work on parting my hair in really cool ways. It would make the guards so angry. Then I would flick my toenails on them as they walked by. It's the little things that bring me peace and happiness. These are some of those little things.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
A Story of Romance, a Battle, and lots of other weird things...
(Dan) Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your blue suede shoes?" That's how the letter began. I think I should point out here that I am not nor ever have been a pig. But that's the way my sister talks. She didn't even want my shoes (which are red leather, but that's beside the point); she was just trying to segue into a discussion of her latest fashion line. I can't take this sort of treatment anymore. It is time; time to fight back against all the self-involved, self-satisfied bourgouis fools who surround me like leeches. This letter is the last straw; I will rise up from my cluttered basement apartment, throw off the shackles of social nicety, and lead my grand assault on the forces of handicrafted puerility!
And as my last writing, before the battle, will (Kyrie) be a song about a battle. Maybe a battle cry. Yes! Yes! Wait... I don't actually know how to do that. I don't even know how to play a guitar. Or a piano. Hmm... Maybe I should get Albert to write it. That might work. Yeah! "ALBERT!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. My purple hair stood on end as I screamed this, the lime green underneath started curling.
Albert came in. "Yes?" He looked scared.
"Write me a song," I demanded. He nodded then began. After a while he showed it to me and proposed. It was a complete shock. I said perhaps but that the song was atrocious. I then called my friend, Clarance.
"Albert quite approves of it, that we should be married very soon after (Becca) he wins the UFC competition. That means it will be quite awhile before we get married since he hasn't even started training for the UFC competition. But it felt good to be able to finally tell people we were in the process of almost being engaged. Albert might only be 5ft tall and 80lbs, but I was confident that he would be able to win the UFCs, as long as he was matched with someone who had vulnerable knees. I continued to think about nearly being engaged and felt such a feeling of completion, as well as an unrelated bloated feeling.
I feel I exist here, and I feel that I shall (Siouxsie) exist here for always. I will now find a way to escape for it is what I, as a woman with red hair, large teeth, and an inconclusive number of missing toes, must do. This is a modern era where change is inevitable. My toes must return to me...or I should find the meaning of life. I'm not sure which it is but I shall begin my escape by looking for a lathe or some other rudimentary tool. The blackness that surrounds me will not succeed. I begin to dig with my hands but, after accidentally scratching off two more toes, I realize I need a new plan...a new place. Where shall I go? What could I find in the place of my dreams.And as my last writing, before the battle, will (Kyrie) be a song about a battle. Maybe a battle cry. Yes! Yes! Wait... I don't actually know how to do that. I don't even know how to play a guitar. Or a piano. Hmm... Maybe I should get Albert to write it. That might work. Yeah! "ALBERT!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. My purple hair stood on end as I screamed this, the lime green underneath started curling.
Albert came in. "Yes?" He looked scared.
"Write me a song," I demanded. He nodded then began. After a while he showed it to me and proposed. It was a complete shock. I said perhaps but that the song was atrocious. I then called my friend, Clarance.
"Albert quite approves of it, that we should be married very soon after (Becca) he wins the UFC competition. That means it will be quite awhile before we get married since he hasn't even started training for the UFC competition. But it felt good to be able to finally tell people we were in the process of almost being engaged. Albert might only be 5ft tall and 80lbs, but I was confident that he would be able to win the UFCs, as long as he was matched with someone who had vulnerable knees. I continued to think about nearly being engaged and felt such a feeling of completion, as well as an unrelated bloated feeling.
Vienna is now a wretched life - your love makes me (Tyler) wish I had moved back to the Himilayas with you. I know how much you loved to see the sunsets here in Vienna, but just seem meaningless without you. The only thing that seems to keep me going is the thought that you will return shortly. The children miss you as well and hope that you will be able to return when you said you would. Only one regret that I hadn't allowed you to take the kitchen sink with you. It's really more complicated than you would think to wash dishes in a bucket. I am making due, even though the kids really get into (Rob) the used oil container. I demonstrated for them how messy the motor oil can be after being drained from the car after 20,000 leagues by carefully getting all over my best clothes, but to no avail. I went out to the garage and found them all dipping their roast beef sandwiches into the 'new groovy gravy' as they liked to call it. I'm hoping the carcigenic effects don't show up until way after they've hit adulthood and aren't really my responsibility anymore.
The consistency turns their stomachs and (Terri) makes them bark. It's really an odd side effect. They continued on their walk until they came up to a waterfall. They opened up their bounce house and started jumping while they waited for Verbena to meet them. Cathy told them that she would be here soon. They never believed Cathy though. She always told silly stories and one of her favorites was that Verbena would meet them by the waterfall. She had done this many times before. They had spent hours and hours waiting by the waterfall only to find that Verbena didn't even know she was supposed to come. That's why they started bringing the bounce house. They always went one at a time. They didn't want anyone to get hurt. It was a four kid bounce house, but since they were adults, they figured it would be safer for only one to go at a time.
While Twonda was jumping, a bird flew over head and pooped on her head. That happened a lot to her. No one knows why. In fact, no one really knew who Twonda was or why her name was Twonda. But it was just the way it was.
Cathy walked over to Twonda and tried to get her to come out of the bounce house. We heard her yelling, so we stopped singing and went over to see what was going on. She told us that Verbena was walking up the path. We were really surprised! We deflated the bounce house and went over and talked with Verbena for a few minutes. She didn't really have anything important to say. It was actually a total waste of a day. She decided she wanted to leave. After Verbena left, Cathy reached over and took (Ani) a bottle of rum out of the cabinet, it was her favorite drink these days. She couldn't believe Verbena, what a snot!! How could she betray her like that?!? I mean Verbena Knew that it was Cathy's dream to be a pirate!! And here Verbena was, all dressed up in her pirate attire, patch, parrot, hat and all. She decided that she would get revenge.
She stepped outside of her apartment and yodeled an old Uzbekistanian lullaby to summon them. All of a sudden a huge pack of orangutan came charging down the street!! Haha!! Verbena would regret the day she purchased that cheap eye patch from the dollar store!! While the monkeys gathered round, Cathy checked her mail only to find her job application had been rejected.
She thought to herself "Last I heard, paper mache proficiency wasn't included in (Leslie) my schooling. I couldn't relate to my peers. I was an outcast. I wandered in misery for the past months. What's a few more. I collected things for my paper mache and crammed it into my pockets, shoes, and pants. I found an audience and stood and declared my abilities. I can rule if I master my abilities. Watch out!
The consistency turns their stomachs and (Terri) makes them bark. It's really an odd side effect. They continued on their walk until they came up to a waterfall. They opened up their bounce house and started jumping while they waited for Verbena to meet them. Cathy told them that she would be here soon. They never believed Cathy though. She always told silly stories and one of her favorites was that Verbena would meet them by the waterfall. She had done this many times before. They had spent hours and hours waiting by the waterfall only to find that Verbena didn't even know she was supposed to come. That's why they started bringing the bounce house. They always went one at a time. They didn't want anyone to get hurt. It was a four kid bounce house, but since they were adults, they figured it would be safer for only one to go at a time.
While Twonda was jumping, a bird flew over head and pooped on her head. That happened a lot to her. No one knows why. In fact, no one really knew who Twonda was or why her name was Twonda. But it was just the way it was.
Cathy walked over to Twonda and tried to get her to come out of the bounce house. We heard her yelling, so we stopped singing and went over to see what was going on. She told us that Verbena was walking up the path. We were really surprised! We deflated the bounce house and went over and talked with Verbena for a few minutes. She didn't really have anything important to say. It was actually a total waste of a day. She decided she wanted to leave. After Verbena left, Cathy reached over and took (Ani) a bottle of rum out of the cabinet, it was her favorite drink these days. She couldn't believe Verbena, what a snot!! How could she betray her like that?!? I mean Verbena Knew that it was Cathy's dream to be a pirate!! And here Verbena was, all dressed up in her pirate attire, patch, parrot, hat and all. She decided that she would get revenge.
She stepped outside of her apartment and yodeled an old Uzbekistanian lullaby to summon them. All of a sudden a huge pack of orangutan came charging down the street!! Haha!! Verbena would regret the day she purchased that cheap eye patch from the dollar store!! While the monkeys gathered round, Cathy checked her mail only to find her job application had been rejected.
She thought to herself "Last I heard, paper mache proficiency wasn't included in (Leslie) my schooling. I couldn't relate to my peers. I was an outcast. I wandered in misery for the past months. What's a few more. I collected things for my paper mache and crammed it into my pockets, shoes, and pants. I found an audience and stood and declared my abilities. I can rule if I master my abilities. Watch out!
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