Ax for Freedom and Fly Supper While Sitting On a Milk Stool

Sentences taken from, "Charlotte's Web"

Terri - "Where's papa going with that ax?" said Timmy.  He didn't really think it was appropriate for papa to take an ax to a work interview, especially when the job had to do with computers and not with chopping wood.  What were the people interviewing him going to think about that?  Then again, maybe that was part of his ploy or plot or whatever.  Maybe he was going to chop of their arms if they didn't hire him. His papa had weird ideas.   

And why did he always have to call him papa.  It's not like they live on a farm.  Some people are so old fashion.  Timmy sat down and continued thinking about his toes.  It was what he was thinking about prior to noticing his father going to work in a suit and his ax.  He loved his toes.  He thought they were so attractive.   He knew one day, whenever he found a special someone, she would love his toes too.  She would probably like his armpits too.

He heard his mom, I mean, momma, calling him for dinner.

 

Becca - She fed him again at supper time, and again just before she took her very last bite of supper. She liked to keep his feedings close together for a day or two so she didn't have to worry about feeding him for a few weeks. She didn't know if he like it that way or not but it didn't really matter since he couldn't talk and he was still alive so it couldn't be that bad. 

Dan - She found an old milking stool that had been thickly covered with the initials of former prisoners gouged in its rough surface. She sat down, wondering what she was doing here. That old man had seemed so nice, when he asked for some spare change. She still found it hard to believe that he was a member of the New World Order--and what did he want with her, anyway? She looked around the little cell, which was bare except for the milking stool and a pile of coat hangers. On one wall, she could make out some sort of fresco, covered over with years of grime. It looked like a giant hand holding a bunch of lettuce and a lightning bolt. As she tried to make it out, the sunlight faded rapidly from the slit-like window. Soon there were only shadows and noises of …

Rob - ...the bats flying around, searching in vain for the exit that I'd accidentally closed when I triggered the rockslide. Now I was stuck, and who knows how much air I really have left! At least I'll be able to eat some bats; I've never had bat before. I wonder if it tastes like chicken. But then I noticed that something distinctly non-bat-like was hitting my ear. What's this? A fly?

Ani – The fly beating its wings furiously, trying to break free of the piece of bubble gum it had gotten itself stuck to. As he struggled he began to remember all of the beautiful times in his life...the ones full of love and laughter....and manure. Good times. I remembered when he met his wife, remembered staring deep into all the hundreds of eyes she had. She had meant everything to him! He must get back to her!! This thought gave him renewed strength as he fought to get free!
"I will not give up so easily!!!" he screamed as he struggled. He kept remembering the good times of the past but used them as fuel. The winters he spent hiding out, the beautiful spring time...when everything is gross and wet. And then he remembered his favorite time. Summer.

Leslie - Early summer days are a jubilee time for running through the fields. I like to do it often. One time as I was running I tripped. I looked and saw my left shoe stuck in a hole. I couldn’t get it out. Nobody knew where I was. I tugged and tugged. I tried digging around it but there were too many rocks. I couldn’t get it free and I couldn’t get help. I’m stuck – what should I do? I cried. Then suddenly I remembered that I didn’t put any shoes on that day. Freedom!

The Crazy Old Man and His Adventures

Sentences were taken from "The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway

(Becca) Everything about him was old except his voice, which sounded like a little toddler  when he spoke. It was very contradictory considering everything else about him was like an old prune, but then that voice of his.....it was creepy really. It left me with an unsettled feeling in my stomach whenever I watched him doing anything physical, like shoveling manure, chopping down trees or climbing mountains. It was strange to hear him working all manly like and then hear that little voice of his when he mumbled to himself or dared to say something directly to someone with him.  He had long ago learned not to control his conversing and he absolutely could not give orders to people because people often reacted violently and/or weirdly. This leads to odd behavior on his part. I walked by to see him playing with something....what was it? Insects? Small rodents? I didn't dare ask.

(Terri) The old man pinched their heads off with his thumb and forefinger and ate them.  He always did this with his chickens. Some people prefer to chop their heads off with axes.  Others prefer to scalp them first, then let them mostly bleed to death while they hack and hack to try to chop off their heads, only to find that they have a dull axe.  The old man prefers to pinch their heads off with his thumb and forefinger.  People just have different preferences. Then …

(Daniel)… he took hold of one foot gently and held it until he had managed to bend his head backwards until it rested on the sole of the foot. After he felt his hips pop out of joint in that special way, he proceeded to knot up his arms, legs, tongue, and throat around himself until he resembled a perfect sphere, his face resting on the upper surface. Now for the hard part, he thought, and rolled himself over until he was balanced on his lips. Should have swept the floor first, he thought. He started breathing, softly at first, then more powerfully, until he had supported himself three inches above the ground on a column of air. By adjusting the angle of his breath, he was able to drift slowly wherever he wanted. He floated over to the mirror... Very good! This would show the doctors! They said I'd never be able to get out of bed again. Ha! Taking a last glimpse of his beach-ball-shaped self …

(Siouxsie)…  the old man went out the door and couldn't believe the magical world he had entered. I mean, green grass? Blue sky? Trees with living things in them? It was so different than the wasteland that was normally outside his front door. The terminators had almost completely decimated the human race over the last week or so and it just really made him reluctant to even step outside anymore. It appeared that he had somehow been caught in one of the scene fades from Highlander where you start in the fish tank and end up in the Scottish Highlands. But this was still his front yard so it wasn't exactly the same but he digresses. He looked around, breathing in the fresh air and noticed something behind the trees. They were cockroaches and they had to die. They had collaborated with the Terminators and were going to pay the price.

(Leslie) He has jumped more than a dozen times and didn't want to stop. He stopped anyways. Now what to do. He hopped off the trampoline and headed inside the house for something to eat. He opened the fridge and sees a big chocolate cake. It looks so yummy. He tasted the frosting and almost vomited. It tasted like poop. He ran out the door down to the wharf. He runs ramming into lots of people to earn points. If they fall to the ground its 100 points. Each step they take is 10 points. Sometimes …

 (Kyrie) …"I wish I was the fish with that glass eye!" The little boy exclaimed. "That is just so cool!" Suddenly, his mother stood up. 

"Bert, it's time to go. We have go and feed Mo."
"Who's Mo?!"
"He's your new kinkajou."
"My new what?"
"Kinkajou. Now get in the car."
"But, but I don't want a kinkajou! I want to get that fishy with the glass eye! Then all my friends would be jealous, and I could rule the world!"
"Sorry. Not gonna happen. Come on, you'll love Mo!"

4 days later...

"Mommy! Mo bit me... again!" Bert complained.
"Oh, he's just trying to make friends with you! Give him a chance, Bert."
Bert ran into his room and slammed the door. That's it... I'm running away... Forever... I should pack, and then I'll leave tonight. I just have to make sure that Mo doesn't see me leave... So, he began to pack... He got a bag and put in his hairbrush, blanket, some candy that he bought yesterday. Then …

(Ani) … the boy took his trousers from the chair by the bed and jumped for joy!! He was so happy to have finally found them! He had searched his entire room over. He went to put them on and was heart broken to find that they no longer fit him. He fell on his knees and began screaming and crying  as though trying to relieve the pain he felt in his heart.
   "WHY?!?!!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. He had never known this degree of sorrow. He decided that from that moment on he would never eat nor drink again. He would never speak to another living soul...or dead one. He decided that if the pants wouldn't fit his legs he would try to fit them on his arms. He could only get them over his left arm and he decided that would have to be enough, after awhile his hand started to tingle.

(Rob) He had no feeling in his left hand but ... still he pressed forward, using his bionic right hand to pull himself up the lava-rock slope. The electronic sensor feedback in that hand at least gave him some 'feeling', if you could call it that. He thought back to the fight he'd just had, and tried to ignore the fact that he was now on fire. Perhaps he shouldn't have ignored his mentor when he yelled, "Don't try it! I have the HIGHER GROUND!!" Yeah. As if having the "higher ground" in a lightsaber fight suddenly is meaningful. But, in retrospect, he must have been right about that, since in one swoop he lost all of his non-robotic appendages. You gotta hate that when it happens. What was it that the kid had said to him before he left Coruscant? Oh right, 

(Joshua)...the boy said, "It is what a man must do to be an emporer to rule the world and destroy the world all to his mite.

THE END

White Hair, Sack-Cloth Shirts, Marble Statues, Toilet, and Toe Nails...

"When she turned around and saw the man with the white hair walk in, she (kyrie) gave out a scream and leapt underneath her cousin's chair. She hoped Bertha wouldn't notice. But she did.

"Hey, Inglird! What are you doing down there? Are you hiding from that guy with the white hair? Oh, well he's coming over here. I guess it's because it's weird to see a little girl talking to herself, don't ya think? Don't ya? Why aren't you answering me?!" Bertha said to me.

"SILENCE, CHILD!" Inglird screamed. Suddenly, someone was pulling her out from under the chair.

It was the man with white hair! NOOOOOOO!!!!

"Inglird," he began. "I thought I told you to clean your room. I said NO TV until your room is clean!" My father (the man with the white hair) said, then he exited the room. Bertha's eyes were wide.

"Oh! That's why you were hiding from him! So that's your daddy? Well... What are you gonna do? I thought you hate cleaning your room."

"I do!" Inglird replied. She then told Bertha her master plan. Bertha's little 4 year-old brain tried to understand it.

"Wait," Bertha started."So, you're thinking about leaping into (dan) the bottomless pit of despair feet first, dragging your blanket after you. Why did she have to leave? Why, oh why, does the world contain Tasmanian devils that can get loose and ravage the memories of all the good times you had together in a bloody, furry, toothy frenzy? It is at this moment, as the blackness gathers around you, that you feel something tugging at the hem of your sack-cloth shirt, disturbing the carefully-strewn ashes. It is a small creature like a rodent, but with the feet of a horse. It speaks in a tiny voice like a cricket chirping the Alleluia Chorus, and says, "Do not weep, for she is not dead but (leslie) play sleeping.

She is always wanting to draw attention to herself. One time when she was skipping down the sidewalk a car drove by and she froze pretending to be a marble statue. Or like the time she was eating at the table and pretended to have hiccup burps. Always for attention. She thought it was one of the easiest ways to keep the lid on (becca) the toilet is to place something heavy on it, like a brick, a heavy box, or another toilet. Anything heavy will work as long as it doesn't need to be refrigerated. Although that would be ok too a long as you also have a fridge on the toilet. At first it will be much a of nuisance to always have to remove the fridge, heavy box, etc whenever you need to use the toilet but eventually it will be a regular part of your day. I count it as part of my exercise routine.

Oh, continue to love me, never misjudge the (terri) way I part my hair. I promise I don't do it to annoy you. Well, maybe I do a little bit. I sometimes like to flick my toe nails on people too. It's just these weird habits I picked up while locked in a prison when I was in the Aragutan Southern Hemispheric Condition Army. I got really, really bored and would practice parting my hair. I used the little broken mirror that I had. It was really little. Maybe a half inch squared, and if I held it just right, I could see part of my head. I would then work on parting my hair in really cool ways. It would make the guards so angry. Then I would flick my toenails on them as they walked by. It's the little things that bring me peace and happiness. These are some of those little things.

A Story of Romance, a Battle, and lots of other weird things...

(Dan) Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your blue suede shoes?" That's how the letter began. I think I should point out here that I am not nor ever have been a pig. But that's the way my sister talks. She didn't even want my shoes (which are red leather, but that's beside the point); she was just trying to segue into a discussion of her latest fashion line. I can't take this sort of treatment anymore. It is time; time to fight back against all the self-involved, self-satisfied bourgouis fools who surround me like leeches. This letter is the last straw; I will rise up from my cluttered basement apartment, throw off the shackles of social nicety, and lead my grand assault on the forces of handicrafted puerility!

And as my last writing, before the battle, will (Kyrie) be a song about a battle. Maybe a battle cry. Yes! Yes! Wait... I don't actually know how to do that. I don't even know how to play a guitar. Or a piano. Hmm... Maybe I should get Albert to write it. That might work. Yeah! "ALBERT!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. My purple hair stood on end as I screamed this, the lime green underneath started curling.

Albert came in. "Yes?" He looked scared.

"Write me a song," I demanded. He nodded then began. After a while he showed it to me and proposed. It was a complete shock. I said perhaps but that the song was atrocious. I then called my friend, Clarance.

"Albert quite approves of it, that we should be married very soon after (Becca) he wins the UFC competition. That means it will be quite awhile before we get married since he hasn't even started training for the UFC competition. But it felt good to be able to finally tell people we were in the process of almost being engaged. Albert might only be 5ft tall and 80lbs, but I was confident that he would be able to win the UFCs, as long as he was matched with someone who had vulnerable knees. I continued to think about nearly being engaged and felt such a feeling of completion, as well as an unrelated bloated feeling.

I feel I exist here, and I feel that I shall (Siouxsie) exist here for always. I will now find a way to escape for it is what I, as a woman with red hair, large teeth, and an inconclusive number of missing toes, must do. This is a modern era where change is inevitable. My toes must return to me...or I should find the meaning of life. I'm not sure which it is but I shall begin my escape by looking for a lathe or some other rudimentary tool. The blackness that surrounds me will not succeed. I begin to dig with my hands but, after accidentally scratching off two more toes, I realize I need a new plan...a new place. Where shall I go? What could I find in the place of my dreams.

Vienna is now a wretched life - your love makes me (Tyler) wish I had moved back to the Himilayas with you. I know how much you loved to see the sunsets here in Vienna, but just seem meaningless without you. The only thing that seems to keep me going is the thought that you will return shortly. The children miss you as well and hope that you will be able to return when you said you would. Only one regret that I hadn't allowed you to take the kitchen sink with you. It's really more complicated than you would think to wash dishes in a bucket. I am making due, even though the kids really get into (Rob) the used oil container. I demonstrated for them how messy the motor oil can be after being drained from the car after 20,000 leagues by carefully getting all over my best clothes, but to no avail. I went out to the garage and found them all dipping their roast beef sandwiches into the 'new groovy gravy' as they liked to call it. I'm hoping the carcigenic effects don't show up until way after they've hit adulthood and aren't really my responsibility anymore.

The consistency turns their stomachs and (Terri) makes them bark. It's really an odd side effect. They continued on their walk until they came up to a waterfall. They opened up their bounce house and started jumping while they waited for Verbena to meet them. Cathy told them that she would be here soon. They never believed Cathy though. She always told silly stories and one of her favorites was that Verbena would meet them by the waterfall. She had done this many times before. They had spent hours and hours waiting by the waterfall only to find that Verbena didn't even know she was supposed to come. That's why they started bringing the bounce house. They always went one at a time. They didn't want anyone to get hurt. It was a four kid bounce house, but since they were adults, they figured it would be safer for only one to go at a time.

While Twonda was jumping, a bird flew over head and pooped on her head. That happened a lot to her. No one knows why. In fact, no one really knew who Twonda was or why her name was Twonda. But it was just the way it was.

Cathy walked over to Twonda and tried to get her to come out of the bounce house. We heard her yelling, so we stopped singing and went over to see what was going on. She told us that Verbena was walking up the path. We were really surprised! We deflated the bounce house and went over and talked with Verbena for a few minutes. She didn't really have anything important to say. It was actually a total waste of a day. She decided she wanted to leave. After Verbena left, Cathy reached over and took (Ani) a bottle of rum out of the cabinet, it was her favorite drink these days. She couldn't believe Verbena, what a snot!! How could she betray her like that?!? I mean Verbena Knew that it was Cathy's dream to be a pirate!! And here Verbena was, all dressed up in her pirate attire, patch, parrot, hat and all. She decided that she would get revenge.

She stepped outside of her apartment and yodeled an old Uzbekistanian lullaby to summon them. All of a sudden a huge pack of orangutan came charging down the street!! Haha!! Verbena would regret the day she purchased that cheap eye patch from the dollar store!! While the monkeys gathered round, Cathy checked her mail only to find her job application had been rejected.

She thought to herself "Last I heard, paper mache proficiency wasn't included in (Leslie) my schooling. I couldn't relate to my peers. I was an outcast. I wandered in misery for the past months. What's a few more. I collected things for my paper mache and crammed it into my pockets, shoes, and pants. I found an audience and stood and declared my abilities. I can rule if I master my abilities. Watch out!